Polly Toynbee writes…

The news breaking from Labour Party HQ this week is remarkable. The entire second floor is without running water. As we speak, plumbers from Bob’s Drainage are rushing to repair the guilty clogged pipe.

The speed and violence with which this plumbing has entered a state of disrepair is without precedent in modern political history. Outsiders can only look on dumbfounded as one ageing pipe after another becomes clogged. This is medieval in its ferocity. When the emergency is over, expect a bloody revenge on whoever dropped their toothbrush down that toilet. There can be no forgiveness, not when even conservative estimates are putting the repair bill at over £100.

Conservative…What a piece of work the Conservative party is. No decency, no dignity. They exist only to help the rich make more money. I hate them.

Anyway, where was I? Oh yes, Labour HQ’s plumbing.

Already we have to ask: was the fact that the plumbing emergency affected only the second floor ladies bathroom an indicator of society’s inbuilt misogny? It’s not for me to say… But I’m going to say yes.

Jeremy Corbyn must seize this chance. A barnstorming press conference by the Labour leader on the subject of the drainage problem could win voter’s hearts and minds – giving the party a huge boost. The party should then immediately follow this up with a roadshow of glitzy Labour rallies featuring headline acts like Yvette Cooper and Alastair Campbell sticking their arms down prop toilets.

Then – and only then – will victory in 2020 be guaranteed.

An acclaimed writer and author, Polly Toynbee has been dispensing advice to the Labour Party in her weekly columns for over three decades now. To date they have ignored literally everything she has said.


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